Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
