im having a threesome with these popsicles
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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