The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
