There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
