I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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