Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
