you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
