i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
