Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
