I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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