she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
