using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
