there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
