He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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