Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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