is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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