She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
