just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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