The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
