This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
