I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
