Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
