the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
