So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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