Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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