There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
