you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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