Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
