Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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