Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
