Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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