I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
