im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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