all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
