Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
