It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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