There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
