Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
