so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
