just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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