i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
