At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
