problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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