He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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