Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
