Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
