So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
