so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
