If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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