Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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