No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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