The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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