i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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