Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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