You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
